Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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