Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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