You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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