I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dear god my vagina.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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