Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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