apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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