3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
