why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
