Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
