Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
