Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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