i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
