The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
