I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
where does the pee come out of this thing
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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