Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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