This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
