Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
