I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize