if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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