The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
