So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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