your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
