u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
