Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Randomize
