you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
