uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
