Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
