Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
