well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
