I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
