i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
