Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
