I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
