I just saw a hot homeless man
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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