I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
