i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
