there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
