Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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