Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
