its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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