No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
