he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
