even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
why is half of my head shaved?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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