I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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