I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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