i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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