i permit you to call me
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
i need to put some appletini on your dick
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
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