Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Randomize
