What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Where is the hickey?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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