I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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