Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
