Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize