he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
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