is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I will pee on everything he values.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
