I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
