Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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