I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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