the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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