ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
