He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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