pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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