This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
