let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
