I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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