she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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