the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
