That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
