i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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