T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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