I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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