Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Randomize