So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
