you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
