I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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