you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
