upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
