Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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