You're completely useless in the revolution.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
