I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
