Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
