so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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